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Frequently Asked Questions
Click on the links below to read about questions on the topics below that parents have about their baby’s emerging thinking skills from 0-12 months:
My 18-month-old is obsessed with our remote control. Why does she always go back to it, even when I try to distract her with other toys?
Such is the way with toddlers: Their most frustrating behaviors are often both normal and developmentally appropriate. At this age, your child is working very hard to make sense of her world. One of the most important ways she does that is by watching and then imitating what you do. You are her first and most important teacher. She sees you say “thank you” to the grocery clerk so she learns to say “thank you” too. She watches you sweep the floors and she picks up a broom to help. Unfortunately, you can't turn this desire to imitate on and off. So when your child sees you touching the remote control, she wants to touch it, too. After all, it must be a good thing if you're doing it!
What do children love electronics so much?
You'll notice that many toys designed for children this age have features they can explore through touch, such as buttons and raised textures—just like most electronics. However, toddlers almost always prefer to play with the real life objects they see you using which is why they go for remotes, cell phones, etc. Toddlers are learning that to be successful, they need to find out how things work. And electronics make for very interesting props. After all, playing with buttons on the remote offers the exciting possibility that--poof!--the magical machine will come alive. Think of how empowering and exciting this is for your child. But it can also drive you crazy! So now is the time to make sure that all “off-limits” electronics are child-proofed or kept out of the way of little hands. However, be sure to offer your child other objects or toys with buttons and other gadgets that he can make work.
How can I get my toddler to stop going for off-limits objects?
Unfortunately, toddlers simply lack the self-control necessary to resist the wonderful temptation of electronic gadgets and other off-limits items (like shiny picture frames or pointy plugs that fit so nicely into those holes in the wall). While toddlers can understand and respond to words such as “no”, they don't yet have the self-control to stop their behavior, or to understand the consequences if they don't. Patience is important, since after telling your toddler 20 times not to play with the remote, chances are she'll still go for it again. Most children don't even begin to master controlling their impulses until about age 2 1/2.
If the object your child is after isn't likely to pose a danger to him (such as a remote control--although the batteries are a danger if she puts them into her mouth), the decision of how to set limits is yours. Some parents choose to keep all of these gadgets out of reach and don't allow their children to touch them until they are older. Or, you could allow your child to use them under your close supervision, such as having your child turn the TV on when you're planning to watch a show and turning it off when you're through. This models for your child that there are times when using this equipment is okay and times when it's not.
What's most important is that you recognize your child's needs (learning cause and effect, imitating you) and help her meet them in ways that are acceptable to you.
My father recently died, and I've been dealing with it okay, but I'm not sure what to do concerning my 20-month-old. When we go to my parents' house, she asks for Pop-Pop and we tell her he's not home. However, I can't keep doing this. I don't want her to forget her grand-dad, but how can you explain to a baby that someone has died?
This must be a difficult time as you cope with your own feelings and try to make sense of it all for your young child. Helping her understand what has happened to Pop-Pop is indeed a challenge, as 20-month-olds can't comprehend the idea of death, or even that they will never see someone again. At the same time, children are very tuned in to the feelings of the important adults in their lives, so it is likely that your child, no matter how well you're handling your Dad's death, understands that something sad has happened. It is important that what she is sensing is acknowledged.
Since a 20-month-old can't understand death, trying to explain it to her would probably cause her more confusion and anxiety. Instead focus on addressing her feelings. What's most important for your daughter at this time is for you to say something like, "Pop-pop isn't here. I miss him too." At this time she won’t be able to understand more.
As your child gets closer to 3, she will likely start to ask questions about what happened to her grandfather. You can then explain that Pop-pop is not coming back; that he died, which means that his body stopped working. Tell her this happens when people are very old or sick and doctors and nurses can't make their bodies work anymore. You can explain that Pop-pop couldn't do things like eat or play outside anymore. This gives her a context she can relate to. If she asks whether Pop-pop will ever come back, you should tell her the truth--that he won't. If your child asks whether you or she or others that she loves will die, you can explain that your bodies are healthy and strong so you are not going to die now.
Other issues related to the death of a loved one:
How should I answer my child’s questions about where her Pop-pop is?
How can I help her keep the memory of her grandfather alive?
How should I answer my child’s questions about where her Pop-pop is?
Answer your daughter's questions based on what you think she can understand. Start with something along the lines of: “Pop-pop isn’t here. I miss him too.” As your child gets older and her questions get more mature, your responses will change accordingly until you feel you are ready to tell her: “Pop-pop died. That means that his body stopped working and the doctors and nurses couldn’t make him better.”
Keep your responses brief. A mistake many parents make is giving more information than their child can process. On the other hand, some parents are tempted not to talk about a deceased person for fear that it will upset the child or themselves. But, of course, avoiding the topic doesn't make the memories or feelings go away. It just deprives your child of the opportunity to make sense of the experience.
How can I help her keep the memory of her grandfather alive?
When your daughter is old enough, share photos, tell stories, and draw pictures of Pop-Pop. You can also have her do something in your father's memory. Send off a balloon that says, “I love you”. Or have her help you plant a rose bush, for instance, if her grandfather loved flowers. Reading books about loss can also be very helpful. Some good books include When a Pet Dies by Fred Rogers (Puffin, 1998), When Dinosaurs Die by Laurie Krasny and Marc Brown (Little Brown & Co., 1998), and About Dying by Sara Bonnett Stein (Walker & Co., 1985).
Does my toddler have a "short attention span" because she won't sit for a story for more than a minute?
It is perfectly normal for toddlers to not sit still very long--period. Most don’t like to stay in one place for long now that they can explore in so many new ways-- by running, jumping and climbing. So, an adult's idea of snuggling on the couch to hear a story may not be the same idea a toddler has for story-time. You may only be able to read or talk about a few pages in a book at a time.
Here are some ways to engage active children in reading:
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Get your child active and moving by encouraging her to join in on familiar phrases or words, act out an action in the story, or find objects on the page. These "activities" can help their attention stay focused.
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Try books that invite action on the part of the child, such as pop-up books, touch-and-feel books, and books with flaps and hidden openings for them to explore.
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